Rape

Rape

I must confess that I do not know anything about this subject. I am writing about it to create some comments and reiterate some well known observtions.

Rape is horrible!! It is probably the worst crime that a person could commit. Murder is bad, but the victim does not have to live with the result (duh!!), their loved ones have to, but not the victim. The rape victim can never get it out of their head and their loved ones have to live with it as well. That could be a bit worse than the murder victim's loved ones because the loved ones do not get reminded by the presence of the victim of thier own inability to ptrotect the victim whenever they see them.

I have read some stories that have some rapes in them. "Fair Game" by Fran Gabino has a description of a rape the wrtiter experienced in high school, as well as one from a friend's perspective; the other was from a science fiction story (I think it was "Redliners" by David Drake). The first gives a very good analysis of what happened and what it meant to her: all her 'staircase thoughts': why she got in the car, why she did not fight, why she just let it happen, etc.; as well as what all she thought others were thinking and how she was treated. The second describes the rape of an aquaintance of hers, another girl in school. This story only convinced her she was the guilty party in all this.

The science fiction story told of the girl fighting off her attacker. The purpose of the story was to give the impression of the toughness of the girl. It was fiction, but in real life that could happen as well, you realize that the victim fighting off the rapist is not necessarily so, just possible. In various action or 'kung fu' movies the hero always wins, pretty much no matter what the odds are, but it is fiction, in real life it is not necessarily so. Chuck Norris or Steven Seigal would not always win a street fight. Very few rape victims are trained in martial arts, but neither are their attackers, so, I figure, that a rape victm might as well fight back and they may discourage the rapist.

One thing that the true story by Ms. Gambino emphasized was the unexpectedness of the act, the surprise or unbelief she felt as it happened. She was a Sophmore in high school in 1952, so it was before all the enlightment that has since happened. I am sure, though, even nowadays, someone being so young, all that enlightment or consciousnes raising would be over their head or would not be understood and they maybe even should not be forced to understand this stuff about rape. Let them grow up, acquire the understanding in their own good time. Sad to say that that may be too late. Maybe just a bit of awareness that it is possible should be imparted to all our children with the understanding that they can refuse to cooperate. For all of us, the Boy Scout motto,'Be Prepared,' should be part of our outlook in life.

There is another story a rape in the press that I have not read, but heard a bit of on the radio. What she felt afterwards was humiliation. I can imagine the feeling. The problem is that the victim has to ignore or overcome the feeling of humiliation. The victim has to make the rapist own up to their crime and requires that the victim bring it out and let others know it happened. Humiliation just gets in the way of doing that.

Geting back to the surprise of the rape: who would not be surprised, especially with a date rape? How many of us would be so aware of what was planned by the rapist was really going to happen or how far they would go towards sexual intercourse? In some cases, like being watched and followed through a library or store, the victim gets the sense of what may happen, so takes evasive action. But lacking such awareness, everything happens too fast. In any attack, surprise gives the attacker a very great advantage. I do not know what the best preparation to prevent or avoid rape would be, but it could not hurt to have some imagined plan of action for yourself in the back of your head, something to make sure the attacker will know you are not a willing victim, 'be prepared.'

I questioned the validity of including the following paragraph or two, but since I wrote it I have seen reports of judges freeing rapists because the victim did not do the rapist any physical harm, so the victim must have been consenting.

It can not be said too much: When you are feeling like you will be raped, fight!! It can only show the rapist that you are aware, making a choice and not willing. It may deter them and it may make them mad, but at least they will know you have a mind and use it to make choices. The most important part of the fighting back is that it puts the victim in the position of being a real person with real thoughts and feelings that have to be recognized as a part of what is happening. How hard the victim fights shoiws how serious they are about not being raped, and, alternatively, how hard the rapist tries to contniue the rape, shows how serious they are. In the science fiction story, the victim expected the rapist would be trying to attack her, so she was prepared, and won. But it also has to be said that the victim has to weigh the intangibles of how much harm will they suffer and can they inflict, the likely outcome and is it worth the suffering, or should they just suibmit? This thought does make the forgoing of fighting back moot, but, really, if the rapist has a knife or axe or wrench, do you want to try or are able to fight against those weapons?

Given the fact that some victims will be too surprised to fight until it is too late or surprised at actually being raped, maybe they could take a souvenir from or give one to the rapist, you knoe, box their ears or bite their cheek or something. I just do not like the idea that the rapist may get away with thinking they gave pleasure to their victim. Two things about doing something like this: it would give them something to remember, maybe forever, that not all rape victims are happy about getting raped, as well as giving the police (they will be a big help, eh?) a way to identify the rapist, and it is something to make the victim feel like they did not let the rapist get away with commiting this act scott free. I understand this may not be possible by all victims, I just hope it not objected by it being heinous or mean: what started this anyway? These victims should be allowed to mark the rapist. I understand that two wrongs do not make a right, but it is something the victim can do right then and it is a way of exacting some justice. I know that the victim should let the police deal with the rapist in the usual way rather than taking matters into their own hands, but how many rape victims have found the police actually comforting and useful?

Date rape is a situation that does occur and the knowing of rapoist does not excuse the victimizing of the rape, but the ambigiousness of the situation needs to be claified. Back when I was in college, there were girls who were talked of as being 'prick teases,' they would lead the fellow on and on, then stop. Mostly that was okay, usually it was soon enough the guy was able to accomodate the situation, but sometimes it was not so good, hence the warning for certain girls who would not stop soon enough. A guy should be wary of those girls, to avoid the situation altogher. But that does bring up the question of, in these cases, who to believe? Orw much was incited by the female? Rape is rape and should be treated as such, but in thesde- instances the victim has to delineate their role in what happened. It will be hard enough to be the victim as well as the accuser of the rapist. There will be those who will never think bad of the rapist, therefore it is the victim's problem and they should be the punished one. The victim will have to live with all that forever, or as long as they commune with those folks. It is very sad to be humiliated by being raped, then to have others treat you as if you were the one doing wrong. But if you are going to make a rapist pay for the crime, you have to take the proper steps to ensure that it happens and suffer the arrows of unwarrented guilt others will fling. This points up the worst part of being the victim: not only do you suffer the humiliation of being raped, others may judge you badly, and, as I said, this is may even be worse when you knew the rapist otherwise. There is no answer for what the victim has to go through in this regard, except , hopefully, there are those who are willing to console and assist the victim through all this.

As an aside, I would like to address the image that rape victims enjoy or at least have orgasms. I, of course do not know about this at all, but I figure that females need more stimulation and play than a rapist would bother with; males may orgasm, but that is probably because of stimulas/response that is part of being male and having an orgasm does not make it any more fun. It may be said that any orgasm feels good, but that is not necessarily so. A rape victim will only see it as another part of their degradation.

After the fact, the victim is left to their own devices: the rapist goes away satisfied. The victim should not think of their role in the rape, more to the point would be to think how to get the rapist to own up to their act and get whatever justice the system exacts: report the rape! The sooner the better. I have read that in Jewish law, a rape victim is to inform the priests or whoever of authority within three hours or something like that that rape has been commited. I find this reasonable, after all when you are raped, you know it RIGHT NOW!, so let the authorities know about it. I do not know what they ask for from the victim about what happened, but the victim has to just keep in mind that they are the victim and it was rape, they said 'no' and fought, etc. Whatever the cops look for may hinge more on making sure they can prove in court the rapist did the deed, the victim should make sure they do not try to excuse the rapist because of some crossed signals or some other notions. The victim should not be given the onus of proving that it was rape, that should be obvious, but should be commiserated with that it happened and the rapist will be punished accordingly. As for the actual court case, I will not say much but to reiterate that the victim should not let themselves be bullied into recanting or diminishing the rape they suffered. It will be more humiliation: let it show or work around it or something, but do not let it rule you or the defense may get the rapist excused or not punished as they deserve. As a victim, remember through all this, just keep your perspective: who was wronged? who should be punished? are they trying to distract the court from the fact a rape was commited? Keep the court on track to what is right, do not let the court refocus on some side issue. Do not fault the defense for what they do in the legal setting. A lot of lawyers see getting their client the most success (acquitted, lessened charge or sentence, etc.) as doing their job. I do not agree with that notion. I figure that the defense lawyer is there to make sure the State proves the case properly and the civil rights of the rapist are respected, not to get the rapist off any way they can, but that is only my opinion.

After all is said and done and the rapist is getting punished, they or their family should not ever complain about how the victim ruined the rapist's life by getting the rapist convicted, the victim will have various serious issues to deal with for the rest of their life, so their life has already been ruined by the act of rape. The rapist's life will not be the same, but they will get through the punishment and get on with their life, almost like nothing happened: this will never happen for the victim.